Long distance relationship handbook

Is this a bad way to start being a Dom? Please suggest other articles, sites, place to go, anything to help a first time Dom with an established sub. Me and my partner are gradually learning and sharing each others ideas and wants and building ourselves as better dom and sub together.

I found your article very interesting, I love to study and read about these things just to further my Knowlage. I fell for him before I new it,he started flirting with me like playing around,the End. I felt like he was confusing me and punish me it was a hard time with him. A million kudos for promoting honesty in interactions. Congratulations, and thank you…….

Great article, with much helpful information. Learned even more from your responses. My Situation. So is my Sub. We both had our reasons for looking outside our marriage for a sexual connection. During a conversation on the phone tonight, one comment lead to another, and another until BAM! It hit me in the face what she wanted from me. I was stunned. I understood the basic concept, but that was all, and never had any interest in it really. She says she chose me several months ago, and just waited patiently for me to figure it out on my own that this is what I wanted.

She is perfectly fine with it. So, I accepted. Neither of our spouses can find out, as neither would even begin to understand. I truly care deeply for her, and want the best for her. She wants ME. And I apologize for being long winded.

Any suggestions would be welcomed. Do the best you can. Pay attention, act with good intention. As a Dom, I have read what you have wrote. It was well spoken as so well read. It lays out simple guide lines to start with.

I can remember with simple words being shown the ropes! Sure I can always learn more on how to manage the situation…. But know this who all read, it is about trust, pleasure, fulfillment for both parties. Make sure you find satisfaction. Not just for you. Treat you sub so they know there a good girl. Ahh to live. I am in a LD relationship where we see each other times a year each visit being no shorter than a week. We have contact each day and have a strong relationship. Our sex life is great.

Which had been done in a controlled situation with no emotional connection. For a while now he is showing more and more interest in being a sub. Of course having a long distance relationship we have a lot of phone sex. We have dipped into it somewhat as it is not real easy to control a situation over a phone.

When we are getting close to a visit it gets intense with our conversations.. He wants to submit but wants me to take control and make him. But when we are together it is difficult to to get things started. It is quite different from before when I participated in the lifestyle as I said there was no emotional connection so it was meet do what we came for and goodbye. Now with my partner I have very strong feelings for him.. We do a little but I am so beyond ready to go farther. We have talked and he says to just do it and take control but he is very tense..

I guess I am just looking for any advice you can give me.. All you can do is have clear conversations of expectations and boundaries, and then commit to bringing his desires to life. You have to trust your instincts and give him what he craves. I think it was the way that he made me verbalise everything that was in my head that I wanted to hide from him yeah it was a bit humiliating.

He dominated from the second I arrived to the second I left. I wanted to please him so desperately. When you ask her if she likes something and she says she does because she wants to please you , ask her why she likes it, what is it she likes about it.

And it will build the intimacy in your relationship too as you accept her completely and in this way, set her free. Great read, thank you for sharing your knowledge and advice. The conversation it has sparked in the comments section also served as a pheltha of information for me. My question which I was hesitant to ask but then thought why not is as a Dom, is it common for newer submissives to have a hard time separating the attention, care and concern you have shown for them from actual feelings of being in love on their side?

I guess as a newcomer and normally emotionally healthy, aware and in check women I am nervous to dive fully in in fear of that getting that clouded despite my need for domination. Hi, my dom isnt a very educated individual and its quite tedious to get him to understand specific dom guidelines and to actually be domineering beyond just ordering me to fuck him. Thank you so much. Hello Sean, your articles are magnificent.

We always stretch out the lines when it comes to sex, always taking a step further trying new things and kinks, and both of us always had the interest in having a BDSM trial. We lately discussed it and wanted to try having a BDSM relationship, but of course we do not want to give up our romantic one, but to somehow enjoy both. She cannot address me as a Sir when in front of family or vanilla friends, and I am trying to figure out a way to make it work.

This whole thing is disgusting. Anyone who wants to control and abuse another human being is SICK and a control freak or narcissist. Anyone who agrees to be manipulated and controlled, especially a woman by a man who could potentially harm her by being larger and stronger, needs mental help as well. All of you guys who like this crap are just using her as a sex slave, all people should be treated equal and not have another individual forcing them and punishing them.

Whoever invented this is a self-righteous coward. I am a dom. My pet needs to feel controlled and protected. I fill her needs. I feel lost without my pet. I need her. She fills my need of having someone to own and protect. She fills my need to be in control and I feed her need to be controlled. We adore each other with complete love and trust. I listen to her every thought, opinion, want and need. I can not take care of her properly without knowing her every thought through open, honest and concise discussion.

Nobody is being forced. Nobody is being coerced against their will. My pet gives herself to me to care for and protect. Our relationship hurts nobody, inside nor outside, the two of us. Yet, you dare to judge us? Or are you just so ignorant that you think the world is, or should be, a carbon copy of you? She still sees herself as belonging to me. Has anyone else been through this kind of relationship before?

Can anyone help me put into words why I still feel like she will always belong to me, mainly because she once completely did? You are just another controlling guy who is too insecure and lazy to do things for himself. Get a life and treat women like they are equal to you, because they are.

A woman is not your slave. Another fool. Did you ever just stop to ponder the topic? My pet has multiple, intensely pleasurable orgasms, as she screams out in lust and delirium, as I use her body for my pleasure.

She craves to be used as a sex slave. Im moving into a friends home that is a Dom and has this lifestyle. AS more time goes on, i realize that this life in entering into my life without me realizing it. I dont know if its what I want, but i certainly feel the need for it.

Is it possible to co domme a household and have my own slaves? I think this is what is happening before my very eyes. Thanks everyone. The woman I am interested in has expressed her desire to be submissive, but due to my own nature I am not sure this is going to be possible. I agreed to try being dominant but am unsure of how to even go about it.

I am well aware that knowing boundaries is a very important thing and I am wanting to learn them for her, but she is not sure of what her boundaries are either so any suggestions that might help us both out?

Since this will be my first attempt at this entire scenario. Learn everything you can. In the meantime stick to this: Only do things you have done before, or are confident you know how to do. Then you slowly build up where she is enjoying it, and avoid where she is not. Small mistakes are no problem, often resolved by a few honest words. Thanks, but sadly this is a completely new concept to me and as for what we have tried well there in May be another issue entirely due to the fact that we have not tried anything yet really we have been friends for some time and just recently has it become sexual in nature.

So we are both kind of at the starting point of what May or may not be a long and possibly enjoyable race. Is there anyway I can get you to message me in private.

I am pretty concerned about a few things but am uncomfortable discussing on open forum please and thank you Sean Lind. Thanks again and as for my first attempt I think it went decently well. I am new to this. I am Dom and I am female with a female sub. Anyone have any tips on names for me to tell my sub to call me?

What about to call her? Any tips for beginners? Obviously or perhaps not so obviously you can have her call you anything you desire, and you to her.

Miss, Mistress, and Mommy are the most common for Dommes, but like I said, anything you desire is your choice. Or you can go with humiliation titles such as Owner of my holes.

A little while ago I had a weekend long scene with two subs, one who called me Master and the other Sir. Thank you so much for posting this article! I am a submissive male, and I have always new that I have the submissive personality, but I recently decided to give it a try in my real life. So I have been looking online for a mistress, which is not easy to find. So we exchanged some emails, among them she sent me a list of questions about my desires and fantasies.

And finally she said that she thinks I could be a good slave for her, and we should meet and give this a try. How can I trust a mistress I just met? For example, in this kind of relationship it is typical to restrain the slave in bondage or other ways, what if she takes a nude video of me in that position and then starts to blackmail me by saying that she is going to put it on the internet or post it to my friends?

Or any other same scenarios. By reading your article I learned a lot, and also in the comment section I saw that you are kindly responding to questions. So as I am new to this, I would be thankful if you could help me with this matter. I need advice so desperatley.

I always feel worthless and that I am not worth his time. If I could do this personally I would appreciate it very much. Honey, if you do not feel safe, leave him. Being a sub does not mean letting people hurt you.

Being a Dom does not mean he should controlling. I think I emailed you back sometimes I confuse all the people whom message me. I have been spanked, hands tied, ect. However it is not enough. I desperately want to be pushed to the next level and experience this thrill. Hi there, I really enjoyed reading this article! Thanks very much. Talk to him! Before you get into it you should talk about it a lot, get as much information as you need to give him the scene he wants. There is no one way to do this.

I have put some simple rules in place, as well as things I would like him to do for me, and how to address me. From here.. I have requested he bring satin or silk like gloves along, as I will want to inspect him. Any ideas will be much appreciated! Lady Lori.

I like your articals they are very helpful ive always been kinky but havent had many chances to experiance any kind oh kink but recently got a girfriend who has a switch personality i was wondering if there are ways of maybe being geting her to want to be more of a sub i want her to want it im not trying to force it on her i want to know of maybe starter tips to make her more confirtable with not being in control.

I have questions and would also to get more information from you at some point please. Again thank you for the insight on everything Sean. Im a Sub bt i dnt have a Dom… How do i get my fiance to understand what i like without telling him wht to do. How do i get him to take control and tell me what to do instead of him saying what he wants me to do.. You need to have a good, constructive, exciting conversation with him. You need to make him understand the potential for astoundingly fun things, to explore sex in a way his friends only dream of.

Because you need him to have the desire to spend the time to learn, to take the risk of being new, risking failure. You need him to want this for himself as much as he wants it for you. Get him excited, point him towards my site… and buy him my course for his birthday. I was introduced into the bdsm scene through my bf who is a switch. I was recently approached by a male sub to be his dom. This would be my first time, he has a lifetime of experience.

In my marriage I am sub, our relationship is vanilla. I have done some research and my interest is piqued. I want in. It seems like trust, communication, and an open mind are key to this lifestyle. Any suggestions on how to proceed? He is a close friend of mine. The funny thing is we were out of state and he bit the right spot for me to be submissive to him. The only hard part is that he is in another county than me. The good thing is that the article I just read was perfect for my DOM to learn about what to do and not to do.

In , I was introduced to the lifestyle and loved it. The interesting thing was the fact I had a DOM and he did collar me. The problem was the fact that I would switch on and try to DOM him. We ended up parting ways and now I am back in the lifestyle. I have just started corresponding with my first Dom and was wondering if you or anyone else could give me any pointers or ideas of what I might encounter.

However, the idea of it has always greatly appealed to me. I am 25 and have only had intercourse once, it was amazing and very vanilla but the relationship was toxic so I ended it, so certain aspects frighten or make me uneasy. For example, conditioning.

Which brings me to my next fear. While I have never tried it during sex, I do not enjoy pain. How would a Dom handle that?

Would I just have to learn to endure it? I naturally submit, under most circumstances, and that includes sex. However, especially during sex, I am possibly too submissive. I have endured something that I did not enjoy, and made me feel wrong after, to please the other person. And I did so without ever saying anything to the other person.

I am worried I would be too scared of disappointing my Dom to safeword out of something I needed to. Vanilla sex.

I need it to be more then BDSM all the time. I also need to be able to have vanilla sex as well. Would that be something he can do? With these hang ups is it still possible to have this kind of relationship? I just wanted to say that I really admire the way you have responded to the questions and concerns of your readers.

Reading through the comments you name appears over and over and your comments are kind, patient, and supportive. You are the type of person we should strive to be regardless of whether or not we are into bdsm. To the untrained eye, I am a very dominate female who, when I enter a room-all eyes fall on me. When something goes wrong, they look to me for the answer. I crave it. The approval of Sir. The rewards for my ability to please him.

The punishments for when I disappointed him. I crave that structure again. I have been reading your work, and the comments of everyone. I adore the atmosphere and your structure.

This is my first time ever seeking advise on this but here it goes. Ive been married to my wife for almost 3 years but we have been together for almost 7 and have 2 beautiful boys.

Im 23 now. We were highschool sweethearts. Ever since i became sexually active it seemed i was always drawn to the freaky girls. I dont know why but after a while and multiple relationships i became interested in the BDSM lifestyle and have researched it for a very long time. Ive made attempts with multiple women to try and open myself up as a newborn dominant but i was never successful until now.

My wife and i have had our kinks and fetishes and she is well aware of my nature but she is newer to this than i am. She woshes to try out the lifestyle of a submissive and i her dominant. Im a nervous person i always have been. We are to be going on a date soon and we have discussed that we are both willing to go through with this. We trust eachother to every aspect of our beings. I guess my question is.

Is that i have held this ideal inside of my heart for so long with so many failures and now that i found someone willing to give it a shot with me am i worthy of being my wifes dominant. And what would my sons think of their father. I am prepared to be honest with them anytime anywhere about who i am and what i wish to be.

Sean, Is it possible for a Dom to learn to be a Dom on his own or is it better to study under an experienced Dom? I was offered to be taught how to be a submissive by an experienced Dom but I only want to submit to a particular person who is not yet in the lifestyle. Does he need to be trained as a Dom also for this to work well?

He needs to have the desire and drive to learn. You can inspire that in him by showing him how much fun is possible if he does. Read, discuss, think, trial and error. All of this will give a hand. This was very helpful information. I dabbled very little in the submissive and dominate type of world, not nearly enough though.

You see, I tend to have a strong personality and tend to wear the pants in most of my relationships, but I am tired of having that much control. I am ready to let go and have a dominate male take over if not most, then everything when pertaining to specific decisions made throughout the day to sexual encounters when I am summoned to meet with my dominate.

I know I still have much to learn, but I know with the right dominate, I will prevail in being a great submissive. If you are interested, or want to know more about me before making a decision, please do not hesitate to contact me via e-mail at first.

I have read your articles and I am very impressed with the information that you have and the knowledge that you show. I am curious though, where do you find a dom? I have been interested in this lifestyle for a while but have never been able to find anyone with the same interests… any help would be appreciated. Hi April. There are various sites such as FetLife among others that may help with your search.

Do you have an email where I could contact you? Would you say that the advice given to male doms is the same given to female doms? Does it matter? Other than the small tidbits which are clearly gender specific, everything else I write and teach is entirely gender agnostic. Change around the pronouns, and it works as well for men as it does women. The theory is all the same. Hope that helps. I am somewhat new to this. Master made me write a contract for us. I never really was told about rules and expectations.

Master just told me to do things and expected me to know what he meant. I have a new Master and he is very new to all of this.

Only experienced daddy doms please! Email me: spunkyrella at gmail. Hello Stef, is there an email where I can contact you? Would love to discuss this with you in more detail. Hi I want to be a Lesbian Dom and I liked your little essay, could we talk more so you can teach me more?

You are selfless with your knowledge and an excellent roll model. Tonight he asked me to be his Dom. This is somewhat new to me. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciate. I new to all of this but i would like to know is should you punih ur sub if they talk and obey another dom with out your permission and if so what kind of punishment should be given any advice is appreciated.

Hello, I hope this website is still active. I need some help. I am in a long distance relationship at the moment. Its only until September. But my boyfriend wants to be a Dom. I know the basics and the point of the BDSM lifestyle. And is naturally good at the dominant role. I believe in horoscopes signs and characteristics I explained everything to him a write the rules but sent him pictures of them for his approval and see what we need to compromise on if any.

We do not have a safe word ATM. I did submit to him. I have a collar I not allowed to take off. The problem is he says I need to balance between being a sub and a girlfriend. But its confusing…when he gets upset I try not to argue.

But when it does I try to comfort him and be his girlfriend. But then its just no I need to stop arguing things I say come off as arguing and its not intentional over text its hard.

So we are an in between type…any advice or tips for either of us? I acquired another master sub. He is totally out of the picture. His sub seems well trained in his mode. There are certaint things the sub uses on me to make me question am i doing it right,As you discuss there are many styles and variation.

No oral on me will no talk at all,moves head left to right when training. How do I retrain and change her. Is this possible. I am getting bored of the same sex positions every time and I want more I am not a hair puller but I want toys I want force and I want total pleasure and I do not want welts or bleeding from anything from being spanked I live in Canada in surrey Vancouver and I don not know what to do or go instead of watching it on porn to get off I am 47 years old ,I had some bad years and I want to put them behind me and focus on what I want what fills myself with pleasure and to give who ever that is my dom his pleasure too.

Hi, just looking for some ideas. I agreed to become a short term dom stand in for a friend the sub that is long distance. He is to have a chastity device on as part of the agreement. I am very new to this, and he is not. I live on Long Island New York. I would like to find someone local, but online would be good also. Is that normal? Any help would be very much appreciated.

So i put everything away. Please advise. It is not a sex act, it is not a game, and it is not a role. It is a state of being and is totally asexual neither male nor female. First and foremost, a Dominant is always a Gentleman or Lady. There is no excuse for being impolite or rude to others.

Save this for the submissive that needs and requires this of their Dominant. Second, a Dominant must always be in control. Drugs, even alcohol, are mind and body controlling agents. They affect relationships and most importantly can affect a scene, therefore taking away the control the Dominant MUST have.

Third, a Dominant is always honest. To lie is to show you cannot be trusted and a submissive must be able to trust you to respect you. Every submissive knows that not every Dominant is super experienced and will respect you much more if you tell the truth.

Be honest with a submissive about your level of experience with others and the submissive. The submissive can even help you to gain experience and is really an enjoyable learning process. Tell the submissive up-front if You do not wish a monogamous relationship. Most submissives understand and even expect this in a Dominant.

Everyone makes mistakes. Do what is needed to make amends, and correct it. Accept and admit the fact that you messed up. To seek an excuse for something going wrong or hurting someone will cause you to lose respect. Fifth, a Dominant expects but does not demand respect. Respect is earned over time. Those that know you and respect you will call you Master or Mistress when you earn it, not before. Sixth, a Dominant knows and understands the differences between needs, desires and wants.

The submissive may desire a short relationship with a crude rude person. The submissive may need a stable sharing marriage with children. To punish a submissive in anger or to lash out to anyone is abusive. It is the duty of a Dominant to remember that submission is a gift. To misuse this gift is abusive. When the submissive is not free to take back the gift it is no longer a gift. Caring with meals. Charity guides.

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And of course, be sure to respond in a timely fashion if colleagues reach out to you. Being consistent and present is key.

Success in a long-distance relationship certainly can be achieved, even in this ever-changing environment. Recognizing the value of strong professional relationships, scheduling time to foster these relationships, and being intentional with when, where, and how we engage are steps we can all take to improve and strengthen our day-to-day interactions.

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